A meal among independents can turn into a sales floor or a genuine encounter. The difference often comes down to a few simple rules, set before everyone sits down. At Tablez Club, there are three about form (no pitch, no badge, no business card) and four about substance (turn up, listen, pay your share, let us know). Here is why, and what they change.
In brief
- No pitch: you introduce yourself in twenty seconds, then listen.
- No badge: you remember a first name and a job, not a label.
- No business card: you swap contact details when the conversation calls for it, not before.
- A table is put together based on what each person is looking for and what they can bring.
- Guests are expected to turn up, listen, pay their share and let us know if they cannot make it.
Why no pitch
A pitch turns your neighbour into a customer. As soon as it starts, the other person gets defensive, and the conversation becomes a negotiation. Yet what gives rise to a referral is trust, and trust is built by listening.
Research points the same way. A study published in 2017 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are better liked by the people they talk to. Talking about yourself for three minutes has the opposite effect.
Instead, a short introduction: what you do, for whom, what you are looking for tonight. We have covered it in detail in a dedicated article.
Why no badge
A badge is for spotting, from a distance, who is worth approaching. It sets up a hierarchy before a word has been spoken: job title, company, sometimes a colour according to status.
At a table of eight to ten, there is no need for that kind of sorting. Everyone will talk to everyone, or nearly. You introduce yourself out loud, you remember a first name, and you ask again if you have forgotten it: that is allowed.
Why no business card
A card handed over at the start of the evening closes the exchange instead of opening it. It says “call me later” to someone you have not yet spoken to.
Without a card, you swap contact details for a specific reason: a name to pass on, a coffee to arrange, a document to send. The contact then means something, and the follow-up happens naturally.
What these rules change
- Conversations last longer. Nobody is looking for the next person to approach.
- People talk about real subjects. Pricing, difficult clients, the loneliness of working independently, choosing tools.
- Referrals become possible. You recommend someone you have understood, not someone whose card you have read.
- The more reserved find their place. Nobody has to sell themselves to exist at the table.
A 2007 study carried out at a networking evening for around a hundred professionals found that guests mostly talked to people they already knew. A table put together in advance avoids that trap: you do not know anyone, and that is deliberate.
How a table is put together around goals
At Tablez Club, every guest comes through an application. In it, you state your job, the stage your business is at and what you are looking for: clients, partners, other people’s experience, or simply a way out of isolation.
The table is then put together according to a few principles:
- Jobs that complement each other. A graphic designer next to a developer, a consultant next to a trainer: each comes across the other’s clients.
- Goals that match. Someone looking for a partner is seated near someone who could become one.
- Varied stages. Someone who has been established for years brings a useful perspective to someone starting out, and vice versa.
- A size that allows conversation. A spontaneous conversation rarely involves more than four people, according to a 1995 study of conversation groups. At eight or ten, the table naturally forms two or three small groups that reshuffle over the course of the meal.
What we expect of guests
Four commitments, easy to keep:
- Turn up. A booked place is a place someone else did not get. The online ticket is a firm booking.
- Listen. Ask questions, let people finish, take an interest in the other person’s work before talking about your own.
- Pay your share. Everyone pays for what they had; the €15 booking is deducted from the bill.
- Let us know. Things come up. Tell us as early as possible: the table was put together with you in mind.
How the club applies them
Tablez Club reminds guests of these rules before every meal and publishes them on the table rules page. They apply to the Thursday dinners as well as the Tuesday lunches. They are not there to police anyone, but so that everyone knows what to expect when they sit down. Most practical questions, about the ticket, the bill or not being able to make it, are answered in the FAQ.
Frequently asked questions
Am I allowed to talk about my work?
Of course. You introduce yourself at the start of the meal, and if someone asks you questions, answer them. What we avoid is the unsolicited sales pitch and the business proposal at the table.
What should I do if a guest breaks the rules?
Most of the time, steering the conversation back towards the others is enough. If the problem persists, let the club know after the meal. The rules are there to protect the quality of the table for everyone.
Can we swap contact details at the end of the meal?
Yes, that is actually the point. Swap a number or a professional profile with the people you have promised to follow up with. The best thing is to note down, that same evening, what you talked about.
Sources
- Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., Gino, F., “It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2017: https://dash.harvard.edu/handle/1/35647952
- Ingram, P., Morris, M. W., “Do People Mix at Mixers? Structure, Homophily, and the ‘Life of the Party’”, Administrative Science Quarterly, 2007: https://doi.org/10.2189/asqu.52.4.558
- Dunbar, R. I. M., Duncan, N. D. C., Nettle, D., “Size and Structure of Freely Forming Conversational Groups”, Human Nature, 1995: https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02734136