When you are starting out, the invitations soon arrive: entrepreneurs’ drinks, networking evenings, club dinners. The two main families are standing drinks and the seated meal. They do not serve the same purpose. Here is an even-handed comparison to help you choose according to your goal and your budget, and then combine the two.
In brief
- Standing drinks are for seeing lots of people and spotting who to talk to; a seated dinner is for deepening a few relationships.
- A study of a networking evening found that guests spent most of their time with people they already knew.
- A spontaneous conversation rarely involves more than four people: at a table, you really talk with your nearest neighbours.
- The right order for beginners: drinks to get going, then a meal to build relationships.
Two formats, two uses
Standing drinks often bring together several dozen people, for an hour or two. You move around, introduce yourself, swap contact details. It is a discovery format.
A seated dinner brings a small number of guests together around a table for the length of a meal, often two hours or more. You do not choose your neighbours; you discover them. It is a format for going deeper.
| Standing drinks | Seated dinner | |
|---|---|---|
| Number of people | often several dozen | 8 to 10 at Tablez Club |
| Length | often 1 to 2 hours | the length of a meal |
| Conversations | many and short | few and long |
| Social effort | high: you have to approach people | low: the table is put together for you |
| Cost | varies, sometimes free | ticket plus the bill for the meal |
| Likely follow-up | a contact to chase | a coffee, a partnership, a referral |
How many real conversations?
That is the real question. Drinks give the impression of having met lots of people. But a useful conversation means understanding what the other person does and what they are looking for.
Two research findings shed light on this:
- At a networking evening, people stick with those they know. In 2007, Paul Ingram and Michael Morris of Columbia University fitted electronic tags to around a hundred professionals gathered for a mixer. Guests were far more likely to talk to people they already knew, even though most had said they wanted to meet new faces.
- A conversation tops out at around four people. A 1995 study of freely forming conversation groups observed a limit of about four participants. Beyond that, the group splits.
In practice, at drinks you will have lots of brief exchanges, some of them with people you already know. At a dinner of eight to ten people, you will have a few long conversations with your neighbours, and shorter exchanges with the rest of the table. For a beginner, those few long conversations are often worth more.
What it costs
The advertised price does not tell the whole story. Count:
- the ticket or entry fee, if there is one;
- the drinks or the meal;
- the time: including travel, a whole evening in both cases;
- the energy: standing drinks are more tiring if you do not enjoy approaching strangers.
For a Tablez Club dinner, the €15 booking is paid online and deducted from the bill, then everyone pays for what they had. Networking drinks in Paris range from free to paid: check what is included before signing up. Details of our formats are on the dinner and lunch pages.
Who each format suits
Standing drinks suit you if…
- you are comfortable approaching strangers;
- you want to get a feel for a particular world;
- you are looking for a specific type of profile and can spot it quickly;
- you are short on time and on a tight budget.
A seated dinner suits you if…
- you prefer to talk at length with a few people;
- approaching strangers while standing is hard work for you;
- you are looking for partners or referrals, which require trust;
- you want to get out of isolation, and not just fill an address book.
How to combine the two
The two formats complement each other. A simple sequence for your first few months:
- Start with drinks. They introduce you to the scene with no commitment.
- Move on to a meal. A Tuesday lunch, with 6 to 8 guests and lasting about an hour, makes a good first table. The Thursday dinner gives you more time.
- Follow up within the week. Suggest a coffee to the two or three people with whom the conversation really clicked.
- Keep going at a regular pace. One meal a month is better than three evenings in the same week and then nothing.
Frequently asked questions
I’m shy: which format should I choose?
The seated meal, on the whole. The table is put together for you, your neighbours are set, and the conversation flows naturally. Drinks require you to approach strangers while standing, which is the hardest exercise for a reserved person.
Do I need business cards for networking drinks?
They are no longer essential: a name and a phone number are enough to connect on a messaging app or a professional network. What matters is noting down, that same evening, who you talked to and what about.
Can I come alone to a networking dinner?
Yes, it is actually the most common situation at clubs that put tables together. You do not know anyone, and that is the whole idea. At Tablez Club, you join a table formed by application, with no need to know anyone there.
Sources
- Ingram, P., Morris, M. W., “Do People Mix at Mixers? Structure, Homophily, and the ‘Life of the Party’”, Administrative Science Quarterly, 2007: https://doi.org/10.2189/asqu.52.4.558
- Dunbar, R. I. M., Duncan, N. D. C., Nettle, D., “Size and Structure of Freely Forming Conversational Groups”, Human Nature, 1995: https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02734136