At the table, nobody expects a sales pitch. People want to know who you are, quickly enough to ask you a good question. Twenty seconds is enough, as long as you say the three useful things and then stop. Here is the method, some examples, the common mistakes, and how to turn a good conversation into a meeting.
In brief
- Three elements, in this order: what you do, for whom, what you are looking for tonight.
- One sentence per element, plain words, no turnover figures.
- Then ask your neighbour a question: people who ask follow-up questions are better liked.
- After the meal, suggest a coffee within 48 hours, with a specific topic.
Why not a pitch
A pitch is designed to win over an investor or a buyer in a limited time. At the table, it has the opposite effect: it puts your neighbour in the position of a customer, and the conversation shuts down.
Two research findings can help you let go:
- We judge ourselves too harshly. In a series of studies published in 2018 in Psychological Science, researchers had strangers talk to each other for five minutes. Afterwards, participants consistently underestimated how much the other person had liked them. The authors call this the “liking gap”. Your introduction does not need to be perfect.
- A table splits into small conversations. A classic 1995 study of freely forming conversation groups observed a limit of about four people per conversation. At a table of eight or ten, you will therefore introduce yourself several times, to small groups. A short, repeatable formula works better than a speech.
The three-step method
- What you do. Your job in everyday words. “I’m a graphic designer”, not “I design visual ecosystems”.
- For whom. The type of client or situation. This is what allows the other person to think of someone.
- What you are looking for tonight. One thing only, and concrete: a partner, someone’s experience, a contact in a sector, or simply meeting other independents.
The third step is the most important and the one most often forgotten. It gives your neighbours something to hold on to so they can help you.
Examples
These examples are made up to illustrate the method; they do not describe anyone.
- A graphic designer: “I’m a graphic designer. I work mostly for craftspeople and shops opening their first premises. Tonight, I’m looking for someone who builds websites, so we can put together a joint offer.”
- A consultant: “I help small businesses that are hiring for the first time. I started out six months ago. Tonight, I’d like to understand how you set your prices.”
- A translator: “I translate from English into French, mostly contracts and legal documents. I’m looking for law firms or independent lawyers who work with clients abroad.”
- A founder: “I’m launching a workwear brand for the food trades. There are two of us. Tonight, I’m looking for feedback from people who sell online.”
Each version takes about twenty seconds to say out loud. Each one ends with a request the table can pick up on.
Common mistakes
- Jargon. If your neighbour has to ask what your job title means, you have lost ten seconds.
- Your whole career history. Nobody is interested in your CV at the first exchange. It will come up if someone asks.
- Figures. Turnover, number of clients, growth rate: at the table, it sounds like a sales pitch.
- No request. Without the third step, the conversation drifts back to the weather.
- Too many requests. One per evening. The others will come later.
- The business card handed over straight away. It ends the exchange instead of starting it. Tablez Club’s table rules leave cards at the door anyway.
Keeping the conversation going
Once you have introduced yourself, turn to the other person. Research published in 2017 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are better liked by the people they talk to. A follow-up question picks up on what the other person has just said.
A few follow-ups that work:
- “How do your clients usually find you?”
- “What has changed since you went freelance?”
- “You said quotes take up a lot of your time: how do you handle them at the moment?”
- “Who would be the ideal person for you to meet tonight?”
The last one is valuable: it gives you a chance to help, which is often the best way to be remembered.
Suggesting a coffee afterwards
A good conversation at the table is not enough. For it to become a relationship, there needs to be a next step.
- Mention it at the table. “I’d like to talk about this again. Shall I write to you this week?”
- Write within 48 hours. A short message that recalls the specific topic: “You mentioned your website needs redoing; I’d be happy to introduce you to the developer I told you about.”
- Suggest two time slots and a place. A thirty-minute coffee near the other person, not an hour-long meeting on the other side of Paris.
- Bring something with you. A contact, an article, an answer to the question raised at dinner.
Tablez Club’s Thursday dinners and Tuesday lunches are designed for exactly this: guests chosen according to their goals, few enough for everyone to introduce themselves and then really talk.
Frequently asked questions
Should I prepare my introduction in advance?
Yes, but do not learn it by heart. Write down your three sentences, say them out loud two or three times, then keep only the gist. A recited introduction is obvious straight away.
What if I don’t yet know what I’m looking for?
Just say so: “I’ve just started out, and I’m mainly looking to meet other independents and understand how they find their clients.” That is a real request, and it opens up the conversation.
How do I introduce myself when I’m changing careers?
Present the job you do now, not the one you are leaving. Add a sentence about your past experience only if it is useful to your clients: “I was a buyer for ten years; today I advise suppliers.”
Want to try it at a real table? Places are allocated by application.
Sources
- Boothby, E. J., Cooney, G., Sandstrom, G. M., Clark, M. S., “The Liking Gap in Conversations”, Psychological Science, 2018: https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618783714
- Association for Psychological Science, summary of the “liking gap” study: https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/you-probably-made-a-better-first-impression-than-you-think.html
- Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., Gino, F., “It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2017: https://dash.harvard.edu/handle/1/35647952
- Dunbar, R. I. M., Duncan, N. D. C., Nettle, D., “Size and Structure of Freely Forming Conversational Groups”, Human Nature, 1995: https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02734136